Let Us All Praise Famous . . . Boehners?

Boy, it is hard to feel sanguine about being held hostage on some zealot's ideological suicide mission.

While some may hail the fall of capitalism, I'm not too keen on subsistence farming. I guess I need to get my hands on a copy of some sort of survivalist video. . . . maybe "Escape from New York"?

I foresee a run on rat belly futures.

I Hate to Go . . . But, I Hate to Stay: Mets Fandom 101

I admit to deriving a certain sense of moral superiority from being a Mets fan. There's no quid pro quo for Mets fans. We don't believe that if we support this team . . . if we buy tickets, and t-shirts, and caps, and hot dogs, and giant foamy 'We're #1' fingers, and . . . whatever else, then the you, the team, will win! We know, as a matter of empirical fact, that is not true. We're grown-ups.

There's no reflected glory for a Mets fan. Our support is unconditional (what choice do we have?) Still, just yesterday, I had packed it in. I was prepared to turn my back on the crusty, ghetto home run apple, the frankenmascot charms of Mr. Met, and all the rest of it. All this pragmatic routing is, truth be told, exhausting. But, I can't really bring myself to stay away. Today, I'm back. A little melancholy, to be sure, but still hanging in there. I'll be at Citi Field next year, with the rest of the suckers. We'll be hoping for the best, even though we all know that it probably won't work out that way, and that it really doesn't matter.

Don't Mess with Noida

Speaking of insane political leaders . . .

Apparently, the Labor Minister has now apologized after saying the laid off workers in Noida were justified in beating their bos to death with hockey sticks. But, I'd file that under A Day Late and A Dollar Short.

Rash and irrational outburst, followed by awkward and insincere change of course? Is that you Walnuts!?

Anatomy of a DICK MOVE!!

Here's the AP's background on Walnuts! pulling the plug on Friday's debate:

The Obama campaign said Obama had called McCain around 8:30 a.m. Wednesday to propose that they issue a joint statement in support of a package to help fix the economy as soon as possible. McCain called back six hours later and agreed to the idea of the statement, the Obama campaign said. McCain's statement was issued to the media a few minutes later.

Did I Mention I Was a POW?

Staying forever classy, Johnny Walnuts! claimed on 60 Minutes last night that, "Hanoi was the longest I lived any place, five and a half years." Just don't mention that to the good people of Arizona (or the FEC), my melanin challenged friend. You know, the people you've represented since they elected you to the U.S. House of Representatives 26 years ago!


I will give him this much, he is going all in this time around. The man wants to be president like a crackhead wants that rock. Do not doubt that he will do anything to make that happen. Anything, that is, but talk about his experience as a POW, since that's not something he's comfortable discussing--of course, he's not comfortable doing lots of stuff since he was shot down in Nam, which he doesn't like to talk about. He would never exploit the fact that he spent 5 and one half years as a POW for political purposes, because after spending 5 and one half years in captivity, he values nothing more than the integrity of our electoral process . . . unless that process results in someone else getting elected president. In which case . . . POW. Oh, and, POW.

He is the Gator of this year's presidential campaign.

"John, what happened to your vaunted character and integrity."

"I smoked 'em, Mama!"

Happy Friday!

I'm extremely hungover and, basically, praying for death. But, happiness and joy are restored by the wonderful folks at youtube. Someone dug up this clip from Anamaniacs . . . before today I had seen it once in 1995, but never forgot!

A coworker just told me that she remembers watching this when she was 8 or 9, i.e., the appropriate demographic for a children's cartoon. I was 20. But, then as now, I had the emotional maturity of an 8 year old.

If You Were Sarah Palin's 6th (or 5th) Baby . . .

What redneck, daytime soap opera name would you have?

Wonder no more, my friends. Wonder no more. Check it out here.

Yours in Aerial Wolf Hunting,

Crust Scramble Palin

For Your Fashion Day Dreams

My little coffers have been depleted by frantically made campaign donations, and the general economic spirit in our little burg is a bit . . . depressed. But, all the more reason to take a moment in appreciation of true beauty--to wit, the Halston Misa boot. Thigh high in luscious gray suede, because gray shoes are where it's at, babies. At a mere $2,000 they are coveted (and sold out, natch) all over the world. After all, a dollar ain't what it used to be.

Happy(ish) Friday

This doesn't exactly scream TGIF, but it's kind of overcast today and a little Bonnie is good for what ails you. So enjoy.

Just Because I'm Paranoid . . .

Doesn't mean I shouldn't be paranoid.

From the online version of today's Grey Lady:

At the end of the ramp, the two senators greeted a small receiving line; each took a rose — Mr. Obama, a pink one, and Mr. McCain, a yellow one — and laid the flower on a reflecting pool at the bottom of the site.

Get it? McCain the war hero knows that yellow roses signify remembrance while arugula chomping Obambi knows that pink . . . What? Brings out the bronze undertones in his eyes?

Really. Why is this sentence even there?

ENOUGH--Seriously

Let me say up front that I am a strong Obama supporter. I don't agree with McCain's positions on almost all foreign policy issues, I disagree with him on tax policy, on reproductive rights, on energy policy, health care, veterans issues, gay rights, education and . . . Everything. But, I swear, if the necessary complement of my fellow citizens vote to give this man 270 electoral votes based on THE ISSUES, I will accept that. Not happily. Still, if enough people honestly said, "I agree with this man on his substantive positions. He should be our next president." I would say, "So be it."

But, the idea that this person could be elected based on nothing but scurrilous attacks, base innuendo and rank lies--this idea sickens and saddens me beyond belief. The irony is that if this happens the very people who will suffer most under a McCain/Palin administration are the people this sort of "campaigning" is designed to reach. It will be their children fighting and dying in McCain's myriad hundred years wars. They will be the ones relying on the local emergency room doctor (assuming they have one) as their primary care physician. They will be disproportionately impacted by rising fuel and food costs.

If, instead of addressing his plans to address the needs of this country, McCain wants to disseminate offensive lies, he should at least have to PAY to do so. Write letters to your newspaper and television editors demanding that they cover issues, not regurgitate gossipy chatter dressed up as news. Demand that they do their jobs as journalists.

Please, if you care about this, and are as, frankly, terrified as I am--Use your voice. Volunteer. Give. Participate.

[descends from soapbox; exits blog left]

Comedy Gold

And just when I thought Peggy Noonan had overstayed her welcome on Earth . . . God bless