Monkeyshines

I find it comforting to realize that we aren't the only nation in the world with batshit crazy religious fundamentalists running things. Well, maybe "comforting" isn't exactly the right word, but it does help to ameliorate the burning shame. So, according to Hindu religious lore, Lord Ram's wife was captured by some evil god Lanka, who kidnapped her and absconded to . . . Sri Lanka. Go figure. I guess he thought he was safe, Sri Lanka being an island, and all. But, Lord Ram was having none of it. He had his army of monkeys build a bridge from Tamil Nadu, in southern India, to Sri Lanka, where he promptly opened up an industrial size can of whoop ass. That's right. Monkeys. "Oh, what did you say, Lanka? 'Me and what army?' Me and my army of Monkeys! Me and my army of accomplished, structural engineering Monkeys. That's what army, bitch!" Anyway, that's how I imagine it went down in the way, way back. But, I digress. The current problem is that some economically minded folks would like to destroy this land bridge to improve shipping routes, but other people insist on the literal accuracy of Lord Ram and his monkey's. According to the stellar Herald Tribune article on this subject, [w]hether this account [from the Ramayana] is factually accurate might have remained a matter of debate among academics . . . Really? Academics from where? The Clown College? Also, some politician threatened to pay his weight in gold to anyone who went out and beheaded some opposing politician, but then he realized, "Shit, that's a lotta gold," and took it back. Good times.